I find one of the rudest and most uncomfortable conversations in life is when someone asks, “When are you going to…?” It could be: have children, get married, get a real job, find a boyfriend, etc. However, whatever the question, the tone and context of the questioning are ultimately negative. It can leave you feeling like a bit of a failure in life because someone is suggesting that you’re not good enough. Questioning people about when they are going to settle down is simply rude.

People really need to stop asking others when they’re going to settle down or achieve certain things in life. It can be really hurtful to the other person. Furthermore, it’s none of your business what someone else is doing with their lives.

You never know what’s going on behind closed doors or what difficulties other people could be facing. Therefore, learn to think before you speak and be kind to others. People may politely laugh it off or make a joke about it. However, deep down, you’re hitting a sensitive spot in that person’s life, and there is just no need.

It’s important to value other people’s feelings and respect them. If they wanted to talk to you about their personal life, they would.

Here are just a few reasons why you need to stop asking people when they are going to settle down…

You Don’t Know What They’re Going Through

You may think that asking people when they’re going to get married, get pregnant, get a career or get a boyfriend is showing a genuine interest in their life and making conversation. However, you need to remember that you don’t truly know what someone is going through in their personal lives. Therefore, more often than not, these sorts of questions are just hurtful.

They might be having difficulties in their relationship or are longing to get pregnant, but are having problems. It doesn’t help when people then make a joke or a passing comment about something so personal and upsetting to them.

You need to show some compassion and think about whether you were going through a hard time in your life. Would you want people constantly asking you and reminding you of what you don’t have yet?

You never know what other people are going through or what might be getting them down. People would open up to you if they wanted to. So, stop asking people when they are going to settle down because it can be more hurtful than you know.

It can be Bad for People’s Mental Health

If someone is constantly bombarded with people asking them when they’re going to achieve something in their lives, it can have a massive negative effect on their self-esteem, confidence and mental health.

They may feel like they’re not good enough, something’s wrong with them, or that they’ll never get to those milestones in life. Therefore, being questioned and reminded of these things is only going to make them feel worse.

Furthermore, it can make people feel uncomfortable and bad about themselves and their lives when they are constantly asked by their friends and family about when they’re going to settle down.

You need to remember that they might not have had that conversation with their partner yet because they’re scared of the answer. Or, it’s just not the right time in their relationship. Therefore, people constantly pressuring them and making them feel like they’re not good enough is really damaging to their happiness.

Learn to be kind and stop asking people when they’re going to settle down. It’s basically saying, “You’re a failure, you’re not good enough, why haven’t you got there yet, or is there something wrong with you or your relationship?”

It can Make People Question Themselves

Bringing up people’s lack of something in their lives can make them question themselves and their happiness. They might have been feeling really good and upbeat, and then you ask them when they’re going to settle down. This can bring them down and make them question their current reality and happiness.

It can make them seem like they’re not good enough or their life doesn’t mean anything until they reach all these milestones. Even though they were perfectly happy before you brought it up.

Asking people when they’re going to settle down puts them on the spot and can make them question their happiness and their lives. It can make them feel like they’re not good enough and even question their partner’s intentions for the future. Furthermore, it can make them feel like they’re failing at life and that you’re better than them because you’re judging and looking down on their life.

There’s No Timeline in Life to Settle Down

It’s important to remember that there is no timeline in life. People do things in their own time, when they’re ready and when it’s right for them. Therefore, stop asking people when they’re getting married or having a baby!? They can do these things if and when they are ready, and it shouldn’t affect you.

Some people genuinely don’t want these things in their lives. They shouldn’t feel judged or pressured because of other people’s opinions and comments.

You only get one life, and you should live it 100% how you want to live it. Without other people trying to put you down because you’re not where they are in life, or you don’t want the same things as they do.

It Makes You Sound Judgmental

When you ask someone when they’re going to settle down, it’s really not funny or helpful. It just makes you sound rude, pressuring and judgmental. Questioning people about their personal lives and why they haven’t achieved certain things yet is really intrusive and hurtful towards the other person.

You might think that you’re just making a passing comment or starting a conversation. However, it honestly just makes you sound judgmental and like you’re putting them down, even if you don’t mean it like that.

It’s really none of your business what someone else is doing in their life. You don’t know how hurtful it might be for them to keep being reminded that they haven’t reached a stage in their life that they’re longing for.

So, find something more interesting and kinder to ask them instead, like; How are you doing? What have you been up to? Etc. They will open up to you about their personal life if they want to, without feeling judged or harassed.

“You never know the impact your words may have on others, and you don’t know what struggles other people may be facing. Focus your energy on yourself and let people live their lives, how they want to, without judgment.”– Cat Hunter

Summary

It’s important to be mindful of other people’s emotions and feelings. Therefore, avoid questions like “When are you getting married?”, “When are you going to start having kids?” Or, “Why are you still in the same job?” “Don’t you want to have a boyfriend?” You don’t know how they’re going to impact the other person.

No one knows what’s going on behind closed doors. Your passing comment or question can be a lot more damaging and hurtful than you may think. Remember, if you were going through a tough time in life, you wouldn’t want to feel constantly judged, pressured and questioned all the time.

It can make people feel like they’re not good enough or that there’s something wrong with their life or themselves. Furthermore, it can make people question their happiness, worth and their relationship. The pressure may make them feel like they’re not worthy or they’re behind in their lives.

Stop and think before you speak, and always be kind, respectful and thoughtful in your interactions with others.

“We tend to forget that happiness doesn’t come as a result of getting something we don’t have, but rather of recognising and appreciating what we do have.”– Frederick Keonig

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