Commonly when communicating with others, we tend to seek to respond to what the other person is saying, instead of hearing what they’re talking about. Or even more importantly, why they are telling us in the first place. To create more meaningful relationships and deeper connections with people, it’s important to ask to listen and to understand what the other person is saying. Instead of listening and thinking about how we can respond to something about ourselves in that situation.

This will have a profound impact on your communication skills and help to improve your relationships with the people in your life. Most people ask how someone is just as a form of a conversation starter and they don’t actually listen or care about the answer.

Asking people how they are and actually listening to their responses, if they open up, is an amazing way to create deeper connections with people and to become a nicer person.

It will allow people to open up about their feelings more comfortably around you because it’s generally easier for people to normally just say they’re fine in response to the question. However, it’s important to look for signs if they don’t seem themselves or seem a bit down.

Don’t Ask to Respond

You need to change your mindset and communication with others to get into the habit of ask to listen and not simply to respond to what the other person is saying. It will help you to cultivate more understanding and empathy towards others, and improve your interactions on a deeper level.

When you ask to listen and not respond you can help to build stronger relationships, become more compassionate and increase trust with the people in your life. Commonly, people ask other people how they are or have conversations with others but they are always looking for ways to respond about themselves.

It’s a normal habit for many people to be constantly thinking of a response rather than focusing on and understanding what the other person is saying. With practice, you can learn to listen to what people are saying without feeling the need to offer advice, tell them about a story of yours, or judge what they are saying.

Teaching yourself to ask to listen and to understand what the other person is saying and feeling, will help to get closer to them and connect on a deeper level.

When you ask to understand others then you can offer support and a shoulder to cry on. Sometimes all people need is to vent or open up to someone, without the other person trying to fix them or give advice based on their experiences.

Show You Care

Asking people how they are and taking a genuine interest in their response will show them that you actually care about them and their feelings and that you’re not just making small talk to pass the time.

You never know what other people are going through, so being a person who is genuinely interested in others will help people open up to you and trust you. People will notice that you’re taking the time to listen and understand their problems.

It’s important to reach out to your friends and family regularly to check up on them. This will show them that they are loved and they are important to you. Remember to ask to listen, understand and relate to what they’re telling you. Then take a moment to reflect on why they are opening up about what they are telling you.

There could be hidden reasons for why someone is trying to open up to you about how they’re feeling. If you’re listening simply to respond, you may miss underlining issues and problems that they are hinting for help with.

Creating a shoulder to cry on and having an open and empathetic attitude towards the people in your life will help them to show that you care and that you value them. When you have a conversation with someone ensure that you ask to listen. You will start to see people opening up more to you in the future because they know they can rely on your empathy and support.

Open Up Yourself

To be a likeable and approachable person, it’s important that you open up yourself a little and don’t just always say you’re fine when someone asks how you are. Get out of the habit of brushing over your feelings and emotions because you don’t want to be a burden to someone, or you feel like people won’t care about how you’re really feeling.

You’re allowed to open up to the people you care about in your life and get some support from them. This will help strengthen and deepen your relationships and make you feel better about any negative situations or emotions you are feeling.

If you’re feeling like you need to vent or just open up to someone then don’t be afraid to let others know how you’re feeling. Not only will it help you to develop stronger relationships with others, it will make you more relatable to people. It can help the people in your life feel like they can open up themselves about how they’re feeling because you are connected beyond the surface level of interactions.

“People don’t always need advice. Sometimes all they really need is a hand to hold, an ear to listen, and heart to understand them.”– Zig Ziglar

Summary

Improving your communication with the people in your life and ensuring that you ask to listen and not to respond, will create more meaningful relationships. When you ask to understand you show that you respect how others are feeling and thinking. This increases your empathy and openness in your relationships.  

It takes time to learn to listen to people rather than just listening to respond. So, don’t be hard on yourself if you catch yourself instantly responding to someone with something about yourself. It’s common to listen to others just so you can talk about yourself back; even if you don’t realise it or mean to do it.

Practice and make a conscious effort to work on your listening skills and over time it will become second nature to you. You will see your relationships strengthen and you will create the foundations of an amazing support system around yourself and others.

However, remember that it is OK to offer advice and talk about yourself if the conversation is going in that direction. But, sometimes people just want a friendly ear and someone to talk to without judgement or advice. They simply want other people to listen to what they’re saying, understand how they’re feeling and where they are coming from, without the need for a response.  

Asking to listen is more than just a communication technique; it’s a mindset that fosters empathy, connection, and mutual respect. By embracing the practice of seeking to understand, we can cultivate deeper relationships, bridge divides, and create more compassion in our lives. Start listening more deeply and understand what people are saying and why they are opening up to you.  

“Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.”– Stephen R. Covey

Follow my Instagram page for daily challenges and small tasks/tips to help improve your life!

Also, check out my recipe page for exciting easy-to-make meals that anyone can master!