I always thought that saying yes to everything in life would get you ahead and make you more likeable. I also thought that it would increase your chances of progression in work. Moreover, that it would improve your relationships with others. However, being a people pleaser doesn’t guarantee you’ll be any more liked or get further ahead in your life. It actually prevents you from becoming the most authentic and positive version of yourself.

When you say yes to others, you sometimes open yourself up to new challenges and experiences. It can also help you to get out of your comfort zone and push yourself to do more in life. However, it becomes a problem if you constantly say yes to things that you don’t want to do. Or, if you say yes to things that don’t enrich your life, or because you feel you have to say yes.

That’s when you’re not gaining anything from always saying yes. Because you are negatively affecting your mindset and happiness because you want to please other people. Check out my post Unlocking Opportunities the Yes Approach to Life to discover how to say yes to the things that will enrich your life and that you want to do!

However, being a people pleaser and putting other people’s needs, wants and feelings before you own is damaging. If you are doing things at your own expensive, then you are negatively effecting your positivity, happiness, mindset and health. If you constantly find yourself saying yes to people when you want to say no deep down, it’s time to start putting yourself first and break your people-pleasing habit.

Focus On Yourself and What You Truly Want

People tend to forget that we only get one shot at life; we only live once. You need to start prioritising your happiness. Spend your time doing what you want, and stop focusing on other people all the time.

Learning to focus on yourself and doing what you truly want to do with your time is liberating. Stop being a people pleaser and focus your time and energy on what truly makes you feel alive and happy. Ultimately, you will boost your confidence, self-esteem, happiness, and mental well-being.

Start doing things to please yourself and make yourself happy. You need to stop saying yes to things that you don’t want to do. It doesn’t serve you or other people when you do things that you truly don’t want to do. Over time it only leads to resentment and negativity in your life and your relationships.

Start focusing on yourself and how you want to spend your time. Prioritise what you want to do, and focus on how you want to act. If you don’t want to go out drinking again with your friends, then don’t. Similarly, if you don’t want to work even more overtime because you haven’t spent time with your partner, then don’t.

You always have the choice of how your life pans out and what you tolerate or agree to. You create what you want in your life and you are in control of your time. Remember, you have the power to say no to people if what they’re asking of you isn’t serving you or improving your happiness.

Remember

It’s OK to put yourself first sometimes and to say no to things. People tend to respect you more if you have boundaries. Furthermore, you’ll be a happier and more confident version of yourself in the process. This will attract more positive people and experiences to you.

It’s OK if not everyone likes you or if people say you’ve changed. These tend to be the people who don’t like that they can’t get everything they want from you anymore because you’re respecting yourself. It’s not your responsibility to make other people happy or to meet their every need. Learning to say no once in a while will show the people in your life that you value yourself and your time. It will make the important people in your life value and respect you more.

Learn to Say No

When you constantly say yes to everyone and you’re too afraid to say no to the things that you don’t want to do, it’s both mentally and physically draining.

If you keep saying yes when you want to say no, over time you will suffer emotionally. Taking on too much and wearing yourself out all the time to please other people can lead to burnout. It isn’t good for your long-term mental health.

It’s time to start learning to say no when you don’t want to do something. Start putting yourself, your feelings, your desires, and what you want first.

Don’t be scared to say no because you’re afraid of letting people down or changing their opinion of you. It’s vital for your happiness to set boundaries, so people can’t take advantage of you or use you.

The people who care about you will respect you even more if they truly value your happiness. They will understand that they can’t rely on you for everything all the time.

Check out my post Boundaries for Better Living to learn how to set boundaries and say no!

Start Slowly

If you’re used to being a people pleaser and saying yes all the time, then starting to say no, can be intimidating.

Start slowly by saying no to a few small things that you don’t want to do and build your way up from there. It doesn’t need to be a drastic and overnight change. You also don’t need to change your kind or giving nature and start being standoffish and too assertive. A simple “Oh, sorry I can’t make it, I have other plans” or “I’ve got too much on at the minute” will suffice.

When you say yes to something when you want to say no it leads to resentment and frustration, which over time will wear you down.

If you stop being a people pleaser and only say yes when you truly want to, you will be giving your time and energy from a place of positivity and wanting to give. It means so much more than when you think you should do something, or you feel you have to go somewhere because you will actually want to do those things.

It means that when you do show up for things, you truly want to be there. If you’re doing the things you want to do, instead of doing things to please others, you’ll give it your all and will be the best version of yourself.

Being a People Pleaser Doesn’t Get You Ahead in Life

You may think that saying yes to everyone and anything that comes your way is the only way to get ahead in life. It’s true that when you’re open to possibilities and opportunities, it can lead to unexpected and amazing things, but the difference is the choice.

If you’re a people pleaser because you feel like it makes you more likeable or you’re afraid of what people will think if you say no. Or, you’re constantly doing things you don’t enjoy or that don’t enrich your life, that’s when you need to start changing your outlook and stop being afraid of saying no.

People can often take advantage of you if they know you’ll always say yes to any request and they can use this to get themselves ahead in work or everyday life.

You may think that constantly pleasing other people will make you more valued in your work life or relationships. But, if you’re always putting other people’s needs before your own, then you’re never going to live the life you truly desire.

Saying yes and people pleasing doesn’t make you any more liked, appreciated, or loved. You need to stop being afraid of upsetting people or gaining their praise. Focus on getting validation, love, and appreciation from yourself.

Forming your own path and putting yourself and your happiness first will get you ahead in life. Remember, you don’t need other people to make you worthy.

Start today, by figuring out how you can start to live your life the way you want to. Free up time that you would usually spend doing things that you don’t want to do. Fill this time doing things that light you up, enrich your life, improve yourself, or just make you feel good.

Powerful Journal Prompts to Stop Being a People Pleaser

Here are a few quick journaling questions you can ask yourself to work out how you’ve been putting other people’s needs before your own…

1. What do I wish I could say no to?
2. Who do I feel takes advantage of me and why?
3. What are the things that make me feel uncomfortable, drained, or used?
4. Who do I wish I could say no to?
5. What polite ways can I start saying no to things I don’t want to do?

These questions will help you to notice people or situations in your life that you’re sacrificing your time and energy on because you’ve been putting them before yourself.

“When you say ‘Yes’ to others, make sure you are not saying ‘No’ to yourself.”– Paolo Coehlo

Summary

You don’t need to drastically change overnight or always say no. But when you truly don’t want to do something or someone is making you feel used, it’s time to stop pleasing them and start pleasing yourself.

You only live once, start living the life that you want to. Stop always putting other’s needs before your own.

You’re not suddenly going to lose people from your life if you start saying no when you want to. When you set boundaries it will show you who values you and who is taking advantage of you. If people react badly to you taking some time for yourself, then maybe it’s time to question if they’re really that valuable to you.

“I don’t know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.”– Bill Cosby

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