It’s not always easy to see who’s a positive or negative influence in our lives. You may have friends that you think are fun and you love getting drunk and partying with them, but this doesn’t mean they have your back or care about you. Therefore, to improve your inner circle you need to objectively analyse your relationships.
To life a fulfilled, happy and healthy life, you must surround yourself with people who lift you up and who inspire you. Taking a step back and looking at the people in your life objectively, and the effect they have on it, is a great way of deciding where you should focus your energy and who you should give your time to.
If you dig deep and look under the surface of the relationships in your life, you will begin to see who makes you feel good and lifts you up. Similarly, you will discover who makes you feel insecure and puts you down. This will help you to become more aware of how you can improve your inner circle.
It’s not always black and white though, and your party friends may also be amazing friends at the same time. Whereas, your partner who should be supportive and love you the most, may be controlling and manipulative.
Make a List of Who is a Positive Influence in Your Life
Grab yourself a pen and paper and sit somewhere comfortable without distractions; then ask yourself these questions…
Who…
- Is a positive influence in my life?
- Makes me feel good about myself?
- Is always there for me?
- Bigs me up and celebrates my achievements?
- Is supportive and listens to me?
- Encourages me and pushes me to do and be better?
- Makes me feel happy when I think about them being in my life?
- Inspires me and has traits that I admire?
- Makes me feel loved and appreciated?
- Always makes me feel better when I’m having an off or down day?
Write down all the people in your life that come to mind when you answer these questions. This will create a list of names of the people who are a positive influence in your life. It doesn’t just have to be your partner, friends, or family, it can be neighbours, colleagues, acquaintances, celebrities, or anyone else that lifts you up and makes your life better in some way.
Make a List of Who is a Negative Influence in Your Life
Then make a separate list of anyone who doesn’t make you feel good about yourself by asking yourself the following questions…
Who…
- Is a negative influence in my life?
- Puts me down and belittles me?
- Makes me feel bad or drained when I think about them?
- Doesn’t encourage me to better myself?
- Isn’t happy for me when I achieve something in my life?
- Pressures me to do things I don’t want to do?
- Talks badly or has a bad opinion of me?
- Is too busy or uninterested when I need them when I’m feeling down?
- Makes me feel insecure or bad about myself?
- Has traits that I dislike that I wouldn’t want to have myself?
What If Someone Falls Into Both Good and Bad?
Bear in mind that some people may appear on both of your lists. This is because people can bring both good and bad qualities to your life. However, this exercise will give you an overall idea of who you should be focusing the majority of your energy and time on. As well as highlighting where you can improve your inner circle.
If someone appears on both of your lists, you could spend time nurturing the areas of the relationship that you aren’t so fond of. Then, you can see if the situation improves and your view of their influence in your life. Remember, that you want to surround yourself with people who are a positive influence, supportive, and who have your best interests at heart.
How to Distant Yourself from Negative Influences
The people who are just on your negative list; you should start distancing yourself from slowly. That doesn’t mean that you need to suddenly cut them out of your life or give a big explanation as to why. This can cause you anxiety and added stress thinking about how to remove them from your life.
You could try experimenting and slowly spend less time with them and see how this affects your mood and your life. Use your lists to contemplate how people make you feel when you spend time with them or think about them. This will help provide clarity on who to spend more time with.
You shouldn’t feel pressured into behaving and acting a certain way to fit in with a group or a person if it’s not who you are deep down. Focusing your energy on being liked or being popular may make you feel good at first. But just because you have fun with someone doesn’t mean they’re a good person or friend.
If someone makes you feel bad, puts you down, or criticises you for not conforming to their desires, they may not be a genuine friend and likely do not have your best interests at heart. You want to surround yourself with people who make you feel happy, enrich your life, make you feel good about yourself, lift you up, praise you, and want you to do well in life.
Try Changing the Environment You Socialise With Them
Therefore, you need to remove them from your life. This will improve your inner circle and create more meaningful connections with the people who lift you up and inspire you to do and be a better person. Alternatively, if you’re unsure if someone is a real friend or just a party friend, then why not ask them to do something other than what they always want to do for once?
You could invite them to join you for a workout class, grab coffee, take a walk in the park, or go bowling, among other activities. If they show disinterest in anything you suggest or are unwilling to try new things, it could be a red flag indicating that they solely seek a drinking companion and may not genuinely care about your interests or happiness. Removing people like this from your life will help you to improve your inner circle and create more positive relationships.
“You are who you surround yourself with. I know that’s such a cliché quote, but it’s true.”– Selena Gomez
You Are A Combination of the People You Surround Yourself With Most
If someone doesn’t add to your life in some way to make it better or to add to your happiness then you should start focusing your energy more on what makes you happy and take a step back from them. Spend time working on yourself and your friendships with the people who do care about you and put in the effort as well. This will help you to improve you inner circle and live a happier and healthier life.
You’ve probably heard the saying if you surround yourself with 4 millionaires then you’re bound to be the 5th; this is true in all aspects of your life. You end up being the same as the people you spend the most time with. So, if the people you surround yourself with are positive, motivated, successful, and caring, then you will start to possess these traits also.
Likewise, if you surround yourself with negative people, who don’t achieve anything, and who like to waste all weekend drinking and partying, then you’re likely to become similar. It’s better to have a few quality friends over having loads of different people in your life who don’t care or value you.
Similarly, if a member of your family isn’t supportive and puts you down all the time, it’s OK to take a step back from them and focus on yourself. This will prevent them from negatively affecting your decisions and actions in life. It will help you to improve your inner circle and focus your energy on the people who make you feel good about yourself.
As long as you’re working on improving your relationship with yourself and focusing your energy on people who truly care about you, then you have all the positivity and acceptance that you need in life. You will improve your inner circle by being more mindful of how you want to feel and how you want to be treated by the people in your life.
“Let go of those who bring you down and surround yourself with those who bring out the best in you.”– Unknown
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